Analyst's note:  Humor comes in all shades and types......even in the face of pending tragedies.

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       (Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to  ObamaGolf. My name is Trina. How can I help you?



        (Customer) Hello, I received an email  from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1 order has been canceled and I should  go to your exchange to reorder it.  I tried your web site, but it  seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.



        (Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about  the web site. It should be fixed by the end of 2014. But I can help  you.



        (Customer) Thanks, I ordered some Pro  V1 balls.



        (Receptionist) Sir, Pro V1's do not  meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with a choice  of Pinnacle, TopFlite, or Callaway Blue.



        (Customer) But I have played Pro V1  for years.



        (Receptionist) The government has  determined that Pro V1s are no longer acceptable, so we have instructed  Titleist to stop makiing them.  TopFlites are better, sir, I am sure  you will love them.



        (Customer) But I like the Pro V1.   Why are TopFlites better?



        (Receptionist) That is all spelled out  in the 2700 page "Affordable Golf Ball Act" passed by  Congress.



        (Customer) Well, how much are these  TopFlites?



        (Receptionist) It depends sir, do you  want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package?



        (Customer) What's the  difference?



        (Receptionist) 12, 24, 36 or 48  balls.



        (Customer) The Silver package may be  okay; how much is it?



        (Receptionist) It depends, sir; what  is your monthly income?



        (Customer) What does that have to do  with anything?



        (Receptionist) I need that to  determine your government Golf Ball subsidy; then I can determine how much  your out-of-pocket cost will be.  But if your income is below the  poverty level, you might qualify for a subsidy.  In that case, I can  refer you to our BallAid department.



        (Customer) BallAid?



        (Receptionist) Yes, golf balls are a  right, everyone has a right to golf balls.  So, if you can't afford  them, then the government will supply them free of charge.



        (Customer) Who said they were a  right?



        (Receptionist) Congress passed it, the  President signed it and the Supreme Court found it  Constitutional.



        (Customer) Whoa.....I don't remember  seeing anything in the Constitution regarding golf balls as a  right.



        (Receptionist) There's no explicit  mention of golf balls in the Constitution, but President Obama is a former  constitutional scholar and he believes it would have been included if the  Constitutional had not been drafted by a bunch of slave-owning white men.   The Democrats in the Congress and the Supreme Court agree with the  President that golf balls are now a right guaranteed by the  Constitution.



        (Customer) I don't believe  this...



        (Receptionist) It's the law of the  land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package,  so what is you monthly income sir?



        (Customer) Forget it, I think I will  forgo the balls this year.



        (Receptionist) In that case, sir, I  will still need your monthly income.



        (Customer) Why?



        (Receptionist) To determine what your  'non-participation' cost would be.



        (Customer) WHAT? You can't charge me  for NOT buying golf balls.



        (Receptionist) It's the law of the  land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It's $49.50 or 1% of your  monthly income.....



        (Customer)(interrupting) This is  ridiculous, I'll pay the $49.50.



        (Receptionist) Sir, it is the $49.50  or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.



        (Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a  ripoff!!



        (Receptionist) Actually sir, it is a  good deal. Next year it will be 2%.



        (Customer) Look, I'm going to call my  Congressman to find out what's going on here. This is ridiculous. I'm not  going to pay it.



        (Receptionist) Sorry to hear that sir,  that's why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of  the cell phone you are using.



        (Customer) Why does the NSA need to  know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?



        (Receptionist) So they get your GPS  coordinates, sir



        (Door Bell rings followed immediately  by a loud knock on the door)



        (Receptionist) That would be the IRS,  sir. Thanks for calling ObamaGolf, have a nice day...and God Bless the  Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.